MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed. “Okay, I’ll say, ‘Just a trim, please, and I use a size three on the sides,’” Clyne reportedly thought to himself, silently repeating the sentence a number of times in succession in order to memorize it before pausing and deciding to tack on a part about wanting to keep his hair a little longer on top. “Oh, I should probably say something quick at the beginning about which side I normally comb my hair, but I’ll definitely wait for him to ask me about what to do with the back before I tell him I want it tapered. Okay, that seems good.” Sources later confirmed that, despite successfully reciting his request to his barber, Clyne was immediately left panicking and dumbfounded when asked what product he would like used in his hair.
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