NEW YORK—Unable to escape the crowded procession, local man Alex Boutros was pissed Thursday after becoming trapped in the Macy’s Day Parade while he was out walking his giant Pikachu balloon. “Goddammit, this is just my fucking luck,” said Boutros, who was stuck between the Rockettes and the “Snoopy’s Doghouse” float, adding that he was just planning on taking a quick stroll to walk his Pokémon-themed balloon and grab some coffee but ended up getting swept up in a high school marching band while attempting to cross Seventh Ave. “I tried to get out, but the crowd just started screaming and pushed me in line. Now I’m, like, 30 blocks from where I’m supposed to be, and all this commotion is really freaking out my Pikachu.” At press time, a frustrated Boutros was frantically stuffing his Pikachu balloon into a cab.

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