LANSING, MI—Expressing relief that he could finally make amends for his past cruelty, area man Tom Hernandez reportedly liked his ex-girlfriend’s tweet Thursday in an effort to smooth over emotionally destroying her three years ago. “I was kind of an asshole during the breakup, but I’m hopeful that by liking the photo she tweeted of her new kitten, I can show her I’m sorry for leaving her devastated and completely unable to trust other people,” said Hernandez, 27, self-assured that the olive branch he was extending via a Twitter like would show his ex how bad he felt about systematically chipping away at her mental health over several months, leaving her so emotionally shattered that she had only recently regained the confidence to date again. “When she opens her notifications and sees my face, it’s gonna make her day. Perhaps I’ll even reply with a funny gif to let her know I’m ready to put the terrible things I did to her behind us and move on. Obviously the ball is in her court, but I’d love to be at a point where I can mistreat her as friends.” At press time, Hernandez was outlining his plan to randomly text his ex-girlfriend a waving-hand emoji every six months in perpetuity.
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