Illustration for article titled Man Keeping Running Total Of How Many People In Gym In Worse Shape Than Him

ENCINITAS, CA—Intently scanning the room for signs of fatigue or excessive perspiration, local gym member Brian O’Grady reportedly kept a tally Monday of how many people were in worse shape than him. “That guy’s been on the seated bike for like a minute and he’s already out of breath, and that old dude’s doing like 30 pounds on the shoulder press machine—so, yeah, that’s two,” O’Grady thought to himself, leaping suddenly into double digits as he counted 15 people limply moving their arms and legs in a Zumba class. “And I bet I could easily outlast four of these people on the ellipticals, plus two, maybe three on the treadmills—oh, and definitely the guy who’s been on the rower two minutes and could have a heart attack any time now.” At press time, O’Grady had determined that a muscular woman doing numerous weighted pull-ups was a professional athlete of some sort and would not count against him.


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