FORT COLLINS, CO—Decrying the contraceptive device as an uncomfortable inconvenience, local man Michael Franklin revealed Thursday that he hates having to wear condoms all day every day. “It just doesn’t feel natural, and I barely get any sensation when I’m going about my day,” said Franklin, complaining that the latex contraceptive was too tight and hurt his penis while attempting to finish various tasks at home and work. “I just don’t like to feel anything between me and the fabric of my boxers, and that latex smell is kind of gross to deal with 24/7. But I want to be safe and responsible, so I just put up with it. At least I know I’m protected when I’m walking down the street or am at the office.” At press time, an embarrassed Franklin was apologizing and asking his coworkers to wait “just a second” after his condom fell off and slid down his pant leg during a presentation.

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