MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one. “Jesus, where the hell did that come from?” said the startled 33-year-old, stating that he had been under the impression he was simply clearing his throat and was by no means expecting to eject such a behemoth. “If I’d known what I was in for I would’ve gotten a tissue ready, but this thing totally came out of left field. Ugh, God, it’s in my mouth now.” Reese went on to say that although his next cough appeared as if it would be benign, after what had just transpired he was bracing himself for anything.
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