SEATTLE—While watching a dharma talk recorded at the Ancient Mountain Zen Center, local 32-year-old Mark Davis told reporters Tuesday that he felt like he pretty much got the gist of enlightenment after the first few minutes of hearing a Zen monk speak. “Yeah, yeah, you let go of attachments, dissolve your ego, and then you get enlightened—why is he still going on about this?” said Davis, noting that he understood the nuts and bolts of “the whole nirvana thing” within the monk’s initial few sentences, and everything after that about selfhood and thusness just seemed like repeating the obvious. “Basically, identity is an illusion and accepting that lets you awaken to reality. Check. Did he really have to take 45 minutes talking about this? Maybe I’ll just skip to the end and see if he has anything different to say.” Sources confirmed that—at that moment—Davis became enlightened.
More from The Onion