BOLINGBROOK, IL—Explaining that seeking professional psychological help was a big scam when there were better, cheaper alternatives, local man Justin Treanor told reporters Monday that he doesn’t understand why people waste money on a therapist when they could just emotionally crush their girlfriend. “A therapist can cost hundreds of dollars for just one session, but taking your problems out on the one who loves you is free,” said Treanor, adding that his romantic partner was always there when he needed to work things out by destroying her spirit, while scheduling an appointment with a therapist was time-consuming and could take weeks. “Why wait a month and possibly have to take time off of work to see a counselor when my girl is already right there to belittle and blame at home? Besides, if I’m going to confront my demons, I’d rather have someone I know and trust to lash out at.” Treanor added that he knew it was the right decision when he experienced a recent breakthrough that resulted in his girlfriend crying herself to sleep.

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