Man Calms Down From Violent Rage After Seeing ‘Or Current Resident’ On Misaddressed Letter

Illustration for article titled Man Calms Down From Violent Rage After Seeing ‘Or Current Resident’ On Misaddressed Letter

ROCKFORD, IL—Unclenching his fists as blood spilled from fingernail lacerations on his palms, area man Dan Collins reportedly calmed from a violent rage Tuesday after he noticed a misaddressed letter also included “or current resident” as the intended recipient. “Oh, thank God,” said Collins, panting as a pulsing vein receded into his forehead and anger dissolved into recognition and finally into acceptance. “The insult that I suffered upon receiving this piece of mail for one ‘Patrick Fox’—the nerve! My...name...isn’t...Patrick! Alright, Dan, it’s alright, here you are just a centimeter lower—‘current resident’—that’s me, alright. Good, my brain doesn’t feel hot anymore, and I no longer need to seek revenge upon my mailman in the form of a violent ambush, as I had planned just moments ago before I saw that ‘or.’ Whew! Close one.” At press time, Collins had reportedly devoured the Bed Bath & Beyond catalog that was addressed to him and him alone.

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