Illustration for article titled Man Asks Every Trick-Or-Treater If They’re The Real Dracula Just In Case

CLIFTON, NJ—Saying he was unwilling to take any chances with his safety, local man Jay Tierney confirmed Thursday that he made sure to ask every trick-or-treater if they’re the real Dracula, just in case. “Obviously, Halloween can be a lot of fun, but if you show up at my doorstep with fangs and a cape, I’m gonna need some answers in case I need to defend myself,” said Tierney, adding that, as a precaution, he kept a wooden stake and mallet behind the front door. “Usually, they say ‘No’ and I can just play it off like a joke, but better safe than sorry. I don’t want to end up a vampire myself, cursed to walk the night and feast on the blood of the innocent just because I was too embarrassed to ask a simple question. If a trick-or-treater ever does admit he’s Dracula, I’ll probably throw a Snickers in the yard and then lock the door while he’s picking it up.” At press time, Tierny peeked from behind a curtain as several costumed teens, among them possibly a real zombie and the actual Darth Vader, egged his house.


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