CRANBURY, NJ—Saying that a place had no business calling itself a Pizza Hut unless it had all the normal stuff, local motorist Ed Coleman was reportedly annoyed Wednesday to find an abridged menu after stopping at the New Jersey Turnpike’s Molly Pitcher Service Plaza. “What the fuck? I only did this exit because I wanted Pizza Hut, and here they go wasting my goddamn time with no stuffed crust and no garlic knots,” said Coleman, explaining that there was no way in hell he was ordering wings if the only dip options were marinara and ranch. “And how hard is it to do create-your-own pizza like every other Pizza Hut, huh? Seriously, when all you’ve got is cheese, pepperoni, or meat-lover’s, that’s hardly even a menu at all.” An irate Coleman added that if this goddamn Pizza Hut wanted to play games, there was a full-service Quiznos right next door.