CENTENNIAL, CO—Explaining how he frequently went against his own interests by trying as hard as he could, sources close to local database developer Patrick Ryan confirmed Monday that he was always self-sabotaging by working to the best of his ability. “Pat has so much potential, but he keeps kneecapping himself by putting his heart and soul into everything he does,” said Tala Simmons, Ryan’s coworker at Bridgemeyer Marketing Services, who described how the man had continually sullied his reputation among their supervisors by attempting to do his job thoroughly and conscientiously. “It’s hard to watch Pat holding himself back by pouring his every last ounce of his talent into projects. It’s not just at the office, either: The guy has a family, and he keeps fucking things up at home by setting a high standard for himself and making a commitment to uphold it. I don’t know what kind of world he thinks he’s living in, but he’s really setting himself up for failure.” Sources went on to report that Patrick’s brother Lawrence, on the contrary, was absolutely thriving in both his career and personal life by not giving a shit.
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