WICHITA, KS—At 8:42 p.m. Thursday, Wichita resident Cody Dixon, 29, reportedly spent the final seconds of his peak period of virility dropping off two dress shirts at Lambert's Dry Cleaners. "Can I get these by Thursday?" asked Dixon as the testosterone coursing through his veins reached a zenith he will never again know and his libido began its slow, lifelong decline. "Heavy starch would be good. Otherwise those collars won't stand up." Though Dixon did not appear† to notice the wane of his sexual prime, he was momentarily aware of his entry into the peak back-hair-growing phase of his life.
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