BROOKLYN—Expressing disbelief about his peer’s paucity of cinematic knowledge, area toddler Aiden McInnes was reportedly surprised Monday to discover that his friend Liam Kellerman had never seen the Pixar film Cars 3. “Wow you’re really missing out on one of the all-time classic films when it comes to cars driving really, really fast,” said McInnes, explaining that while you could definitely tell the film was made in 2017, it still held up remarkably well and several of the race scenes were worth watching 80 or 90 times in a row. “Do yourself a favor tonight and get Mommy and Daddy to play it for you. I’m telling you, this isn’t one of those movies that you know is important but is kind of a slog to sit through like The Secret Life Of Pets—this one is just gorgeous from start to finish. It epitomizes the entire genre, and Mater is so silly!” At press time, a disgusted McInnes was reevaluating his friendship with Kellerman after he argued Cars 3 couldn”t be as good as The Angry Birds Movie.
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