‘It’s Just A Costume, It’s Just A Costume,’ Man Nervously Assures Himself As Giant Hot Dog Starts Walking Toward Him

SAN FRANCISCO—Wringing his hands as beads of sweat began dripping down his forehead, local man Samuel Karpinski repeatedly sought to reassure himself Wednesday that the giant hot dog moving down the sidewalk toward him must be nothing more than a costume. “Stay calm, stay calm—it can’t hurt you,” a visibly shaken Karpinski said to himself as the 6-foot-tall polyester foam hot dog came closer and closer, showing no signs of returning to wherever it came from. “Just keep your eyes forward, don’t look at it. Gotta be just a guy in a costume, right? Remember what day it is. Oh, God, it’s covered in mustard and ketchup! Is it following me? Shit!” At press time, sources stated that Karpinski had sprinted away in fear only to turn the street corner and find a giant banana walking his way.


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