It Pretty Obvious What Friend Will Look Like Old

Illustration for article titled It Pretty Obvious What Friend Will Look Like Old

LAFAYETTE, LA—Noting that their close friend’s current musculoskeletal structure already provided ample evidence as to where and when certain wrinkles would appear later in life, eyewitnesses to the face of local woman Zoe Campbell, 31, confirmed Wednesday that it was pretty obvious what Campbell would look like old. “She already has pretty pronounced laugh lines, so it’s not hard to think of those getting a little deeper as her cheeks soften and start to droop,” remarked Campbell’s close friend Helen Lepe, explaining that it was becoming increasingly easy to picture the skin on her 31-year-old friend’s now-youthful face as translucent, powdery, finely veined like blue cheese, and sprinkled with liver spots. “When she smiles, you can just picture her cracking the same huge, gummy grin 40 or 50 years from now, laughing somewhat too loud due to deteriorating hearing, surrounded by a cloud of sweet floral perfume. Just swap out her hair for some bluish cotton-candy fluff, throw a pair of coke-bottle glasses on her, and you’re there. She just has one of those faces.” Lepe added that, if imagined just a tad hoarser and pitched up half an octave or so, you could also totally tell exactly how Campbell’s voice would sound like old.