Illustration for article titled It Instantly Clear Girlfriend Used To Fuck Guy Being Mentioned In Anecdote

HAVERFORD, PA—Noticing a marked mid-anecdote shift in tone as well as several meaningfully deliberate pauses, local boyfriend Anton Bridgewater instantly concluded Wednesday that his girlfriend, Leya Ferguson, used to fuck the guy she mentioned while recounting a weekend trip to The Berkshires. “She keeps bringing up this dude but never gets around to actually mentioning his name, so right away I knew something’s up,” said Bridgewater, who refused to be convinced the man in question was, as Ferguson stipulated, “just some townie who kept showing up.” “At one point, she mentioned that they were laying around in bed, but kind of stammered and changed it to ‘We were, you know, all of us, were hanging out in his room.’ And a big part of the story was how she had to call his parents after he got food poisoning, and she said, ‘Judith was extremely upset.’ There’s absolutely no way she’d remember his mom’s name if they weren’t hooking up.” At press time, Ferguson was describing in painstaking detail the cologne “this one dude” was wearing the day they drove back from the trip.


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