DULUTH, MN—Saying that there seemed to be no clear pattern to the animal’s responses, local pet owner Wendy Vogl reported Friday that it is impossible to tell what sounds will cause her cat to totally freak out. “I can slam the front door and he’ll just sit there licking himself, but then he’ll hear thunder and run out of the room immediately,” said Vogl, adding that she could think of no rational explanation for why her cat, Max, would bolt the moment she switched on a hair dryer yet take the noise of a vacuum cleaner completely in stride. “If I had any clue at all what scared him, if there was any logic to it whatsoever, I could try not to do it as much. But I honestly think there’s just no rhyme or reason for why my cat will totally lose his shit.” At press time, Vogl had just plugged in her new food processor and had absolutely no idea if her cat would be hiding under the bed for the next three hours.

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