‘I’d Like The Crispy Chicken Sandwich’ First Truthful Thing Man Has Said In Weeks

Illustration for article titled ‘I’d Like The Crispy Chicken Sandwich’ First Truthful Thing Man Has Said In Weeks

ABILENE, TX—In a sudden and surprising moment of candor, local man Brett Hutchings told a Wendy’s cashier Friday “I’d like the Crispy Chicken Sandwich,” reportedly the first truthful statement the 30-year-old has uttered in weeks. “Let me get some fries with that too, please?” Hutchings said, opening up and revealing his frank, unvarnished feelings in a way he has not in approximately 24 days. “And a small—no, make that a medium—vanilla Frosty.” Moments later, Hutchings stated his meal was to-go, which, according to sources, will be the last time he expresses himself genuinely until selecting pizza toppings a full three months from now.

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