ABILENE, TX—In a sudden and surprising moment of candor, local man Brett Hutchings told a Wendy’s cashier Friday “I’d like the Crispy Chicken Sandwich,” reportedly the first truthful statement the 30-year-old has uttered in weeks. “Let me get some fries with that too, please?” Hutchings said, opening up and revealing his frank, unvarnished feelings in a way he has not in approximately 24 days. “And a small—no, make that a medium—vanilla Frosty.” Moments later, Hutchings stated his meal was to-go, which, according to sources, will be the last time he expresses himself genuinely until selecting pizza toppings a full three months from now.

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