MICHIGAN CITY, IN—Having greeted the table and handed out the restaurant’s menu, City Bistro waitress Amanda Meese helpfully inquired Tuesday if a recently seated couple had ever eaten food before, sources confirmed. “You folks ever put food in your mouth, chewed it for a few seconds with your teeth, and then swallowed it?” Meese asked, thoughtfully guiding the diners through the process of employing their lips, tongue, and jaws in unison to break down edible material in preparation for entry to the stomach. “Cutting your meal into smaller pieces with a knife and fork is really popular, but be sure you’re not actually eating the knife and fork. Just let me know if you have any questions, okay?” Reports indicate the customers had largely tuned out the waitress’s explanation of eating and, at press time, were smearing appetizers all over their shirts and pants.
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