Guys With Pickup Outside Funeral Parlor Will Bury Grandma For Cheaper

Illustration for article titled Guys With Pickup Outside Funeral Parlor Will Bury Grandma For Cheaper

TOLEDO, OH—Assuring the potential customer that his guys were their best shot at a decent deal in town, a group of men with a pickup outside Peabody Funeral Parlor told a grieving family Tuesday that they would be able to bury their grandmother for much cheaper. “Trust me, you’re gonna get hosed if you stick with the funeral director in there—we got the shovels and ropes in the backseat, so we can do this right away,” said Tom Sanford, one of the men gathered around the beat-up truck promising to get the job done in less than 45 minutes or their money back. “We got a real beaut of a plot out behind the quarry, and we’ll treat grandma right. Don’t worry about it, folks. We’re professionals. Let me just ask: How much are they asking for the coffin? I bet we can do it for half as much.” Sanford added that he could sweeten the deal if the family threw in a few other relatives for burial.