God Fucking Damnit, Live-In Maid Sorted Satins And Cottons Together Again

WESTCHESTER, NY—Despite expressing to her on numerous past occasions the gravity of making this sort of mistake, sources confirmed Tueasday that, God fucking damnit, the live-in maid had sorted the satins and cottons together again. “Oh, for Christ’s sake, how many times have we told Maria not to put the baronet weave and pima cotton into the same drawer,” sources noted, stressing that despite living just down the hall in the spare guest room, she somehow could not seem to do a single goddamn thing right around this house. “First, she puts the whiskey tumblers and the champagne flutes next to each other on the credenza, and now this? Honestly, I feel like I’m losing my mind. Just look at them—the acala is folded right in with the charmeuse, and the Monroe is paired with the spare Egyptian. This is a complete fucking disaster.” At press time, reports had confirmed that if something like this ever happened again, they would simply call immigration.

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