Girlfriend Must Have Been Drinking When She Texted Picture Of Knitted Scarf At Midnight

Illustration for article titled Girlfriend Must Have Been Drinking When She Texted Picture Of Knitted Scarf At Midnight

REDONDO BEACH, CA— Insisting that the rapid-fire series of messages was “completely unprompted,” local man Matisse Issac speculated Thursday that his girlfriend, Rebecca Allen, must have been drinking when she texted him a dimly lit picture of a knitted scarf at midnight. “Jesus Christ, now she’s telling me to come over and knit with her. I have work in the morning,” said Issac, who nervously texted back “nice” in response to the garter-knit scarf in a desperate attempt to buy time to think of a proper response. “I can already see what happened here. She had a glass and a half of wine and just started knitting. She gets a little flirty when she’s drunk, and it’s not like I’m mad or anything, but I really don’t know what to say.” At press time, Ms. Allen had texted her boyfriend a winking face emoji to accompany the message “What are you reading right now?” 

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