SEATTLE—In an unfortunately significant gesture of romantic affection, your current serious girlfriend has taken it upon herself to make you a playlist consisting of bands you might like to associate with her forever. “I’m trying to get a good mix of genres, sounds, and moods in here, all by common musical groups you will be forced to forever associate with me and what I’m going to say to you in the park next October,” said your girlfriend while browsing Spotify to cobble together songs by performers ranging from The Smiths to Tame Impala to Carly Rae Jepsen, none of whom you’ll be able to bear the sound of by this time next year. “There are a few songs in here that I just know you’re going to love, as they’re inextricably connected to memories of our all-too-brief time together. Some of them are as new as our love, but good enough that they’ll still be on the radio to haunt you years from now, and some are classic hits that I’ll ruin forever by associating them with me in your mind. I really put a lot of myself into this project.” Your girlfriend has also taken steps to ensure that you will not be able to enjoy the taste of shakshuka, currently your favorite thing to cook for her, for the rest of your natural life.
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