MINNEAPOLIS—Struggling to fathom why no one has yet claimed the perfectly good piece of furniture, local man Adam Ellery told reporters Wednesday that a free couch has been sitting on the curb near his apartment for months.
The couch, a 6-foot-long settee made of solid redwood drilled into cast-iron supports, has reportedly remained out on the pavement since Ellery moved to the neighborhood nearly a year ago.
“I can’t believe no one’s snagged it yet,” said Ellery, observing that the couch is in solid shape and appears to have no major damage or stains. “It looks kind of heavy, but if you could get a friend with a truck to help, it wouldn’t be too hard to move. Then all you’d have to do is give it a quick wipe down, maybe buy a cover for it, and boom, you’ve got yourself a great addition to your living room.”
“It’s definitely on the firm side, but it looks like it has great back support and sturdy construction,” he continued. “I don’t see any sagging at all.”
Describing the couch as a vintage piece that features fashionably distressed lumber and aged, rusty screws, Ellery remarked that he grows increasingly bewildered each time he walks by and sees it is still there.
According to the 30-year-old digital media manager, passersby frequently stop to try out the couch, often sitting on it for a while as they read a newspaper or eat their lunch. But in each case, he said, the person stands up within a half hour or so and continues on his or her way, mysteriously passing up the chance to take home some high-quality seating at absolutely no cost.
“This thing had to be really expensive when it was new, and it’s just sitting there, completely free for the taking,” said Ellery, who noted that while he has not sat on the couch himself, he once saw a man lying down on it and sleeping soundly, so he assumes it is comfortable. “The first time I saw it, I wasn’t expecting it to be around very long, but it’s somehow remained up for grabs on the side of the road this whole time. I mean, call me crazy, but when I see a golden opportunity like that, I take it.”
“Honestly, I’m beginning to question why someone would even throw away a couch so nice in the first place,” he added.
Ellery went on to state that given how long the couch has been out there on the sidewalk, he is surprised no one from city services has been sent to pick it up and dispose of it, especially considering how tidy and well-maintained the rest of his neighborhood is. While remarking that he is glad the couch hasn’t yet gone to waste, he expressed concern that if someone doesn’t “scoop it up quick,” it could get rained upon and ruined.
“Whoever threw out that couch also threw out a pretty nice 15-foot floor lamp and a large heavy-duty steel wastebasket, both of which seem like they’d be rare and hard to find at furniture stores,” said Ellery, speculating that the three items might once have been sold together as a set. “I told some of my friends about the couch and posted a photo of it on my neighborhood’s Facebook page, but no one was interested. Their loss, if you ask me. You could probably sit four, maybe five people on that thing.”
“God, it’s crazy how wasteful people can be,” he continued.
Ellery added that he would gladly take the couch home himself, but he already has two exactly like it.