TALLAHASSEE, FL—Calling the ordeal both “hilarious” and “classic Trevor,” representatives from Florida State’s Sigma Chi fraternity confirmed Friday that its brothers had drawn all over a pledge who passed away at a party. “Dude, Trev totally deserved to get fucked with because he passed away, like, super early last night,” said Sigma Chi rush chair Andy Martin, adding that the deceased freshman, Trevor McPike, 18, was being a “major pussy” and could not have drunk more than one bottle of Southern Comfort before succumbing to alcohol poisoning. “Seriously, he just kicked the fucking bucket like a total chump. That’s when we grabbed the Sharpies and went to town. Those are permanent markers, too, so there’s no way the coroner is going to be able to get it off. Oh, man, he’s gonna have a big ol’ dong on his head for the funeral. That shit’s epic!” At press time, Martin announced that the fraternity would honor McPike at a memorial service next week that also promised to be a “five-alarm rager.”

Advertisement