Flustered Mathematician Unable To Recommend Good Number

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BOSTON—Growing more agitated the harder he tried coming up with a suggestion, mathematician William Haley reportedly became flustered Tuesday after he was unable to recommend a good number. “Ah, shit, give me a second, I’m totally blanking on a numeral right now,” said an overwhelmed Haley, adding that while there were obviously “tons of great integers” he could offer up, he was unfortunately coming up empty at this particular moment. “Hm, what about y? Wait, no, that’s a variable. Hold on, I’ll think of something. I’m so close—dammit!” Sources said Haley subsequently emailed a list of over 325 billion numbers that had popped into his head the moment the conversation ended.


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