CAMILLA, GA—Remaining perfectly motionless despite its mounting terror, Zinnia peruviana FL77542PM4 found itself on the verge of panic Monday after noticing a honeybee had landed on one of its petals. “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck me. Okay, deep breaths. Maybe it just wants to rest for a second and then it’ll fly away,” said the magenta-hued flower, trying to keep in mind that bees only sting when defending the hive, and to the best of its knowledge, it had not gone anywhere near one. “Shit, it must be attracted to my bright coloration. Oh, God, oh, God, it’s going towards my stamen! I know it’s irrational, but I’m sorry, I fucking hate these things.” FL77542PM4 was later relieved when the bee flew away without incident, but freaked out again just moments later upon realizing it was standing right on top of a worm.

Advertisement