SOUTHAMPTON, PA—Insisting that it was just their nana’s “special way” of saying goodbye, mourners confirmed Friday that the Shreve family had respected their grandmother’s wishes to have an opened-bloused funeral. “I know it makes some people a little uncomfortable to see her lying there, shirt open and tits out, but this is how she wanted to be remembered,” said 59-year-old family matriarch Cecelia Shreve through tears, who went on to credit the mortician’s tasteful presentation, and for “making those knockers look 20 years younger.” “You know, it’s not for everyone, but I think seeing her rack out in the open really helped bring the room some closure. Unfortunately, it still doesn’t change the fact that tomorrow, I have to wake up in a world where my mom and her beautiful bazongas aren’t around anymore. God bless ‘the girls.’” At press time, the Shreve family rushed to console Cecelia, who had started to sob uncontrollably after kissing her mother on the chest one last time.

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