SKOKIE, IL—Convening several steps back from the hostess stand for an ad hoc round of discussions, members of the Kalpern family reportedly entered crisis talks Wednesday after learning that the wait for a table at the Cheesecake Factory would be 45 minutes. “Okay, we have two real options as I see it: We could tough it out here or head down to Village Crossing where they have a Chili’s and an Outback Steakhouse,” said father and chief negotiator Mark Kalpern after tabling a motion by his daughter that they just leave and pick up a pizza on the way home. “Forty-five minutes is pretty long, and we’ll need to find Grandma a place to sit if we stay here and wait. Of course, by the time we get to another restaurant and see what the wait is there, it might end up taking just as long. So, what’s the game plan?” After several minutes of intense back-and-forth, the group reportedly agreed to a compromise resolution put forth by Lynn Kalpern whereby most of the members would be dropped off at the front of P.F. Chang’s to go put their name in while their father went to find parking.

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