Extremely Effective Therapist Just Lets Patients Beat Shit Out Of Him For 45 Minutes

SAN FRANCISCO—Acknowledging that some of his clients have to overcome some initial hesitation, cognitive therapist Dr. Daniel Boyer spoke Monday regarding his innovative technique of simply allowing his patients to beat the living shit out of him for 45 minutes. “Sometimes I fight back at first, but it’s important for my clients to feel like they’re making progress, so I usually just let them go to town until I tap out or the session ends,” said Boyer, who often provides patients with a pillow and encourages them to place it over his face while hitting him for the duration of their appointment. “Many people need a bit of coaxing to feel like they can open up and express themselves, but once I set the mood by shouting long lists of things they hate about themselves or bringing up some childhood trauma or deep-seated pain, they eventually start whaling on me. It’s especially great for couples counseling. Two people working together to hold me down and punch me in the stomach? That’s a beautiful thing. That’s why I got into this business.” Boyer usually concludes each session by sliding a tissue box over to his patients so they can wipe his splattered blood from their faces.

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