Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

CHERRY HILL, NJ—After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away from completely resolving all of his problems. “Another 80 or 90 minutes in there and I should be all set,” said a smiling Vaughan, adding that he is looking forward to emerging as a fully secure, emotionally balanced individual devoid of any feelings of guilt, anxiety, or depression. “We’ll cover my parents next week, and after that we’ll take care of my trust issues, and then I should be good to go. I can’t wait to have it all wrapped up and be a totally validated and content human.” At press time, Vaughan’s fiancée had just broken off their engagement, delaying the completion of his therapy by another 672 sessions.

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