TOLEDO, OH—Appalled by the level of deluded selfishness of millennials in the labor force, citizens expressed shock and disbelief Wednesday at the news that Burger King employee Kayla Werther expects to be paid $15 an hour for the simple task of dealing with the absolute worst of America every day. “This kid thinks she deserves that kind of reward just for doing her stupid, easy job? Give me a break,” said a regular Burger King customer who spoke on condition of anonymity and watched with barely concealed disdain as the “privileged and entitled freeloader” worked a 10-hour shift, which included mopping excreta-coated bathrooms, suffering prolonged verbal abuse at the counter, wiping tables strewn with wadded-up dirty napkins and ketchup spills, breathing a mist of aerosolized fryer grease and stale sweat for prolonged periods while stationed at the grill, calling an ambulance for an unconscious homeless man in the parking lot, taking overstuffed bags of dripping trash to the dumpster three times an hour, and pausing on an overturned pickle bucket in the supply closet for a five-minute break. “She thinks she’s entitled to higher minimum wage just because she spends a couple hours a day cleaning kiddie vomit off the Play Place slide? Please. I don’t know what she actually makes, but I guarantee you it’s already too much.” Upon learning that Werther was entitled to a 25% discounted meal at the conclusion of every shift of six hours or more, onlookers rolled their eyes and observed that they were not given free food at their marketing director jobs.

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