O’FALLON, MO—Struggling with the right way to inform colleagues of the decision, local sales representative Hugh Wenzel was reportedly unsure Friday how to break the news that he was leaving the Ripple Group to his coworkers who didn’t really care whether he lives or dies. “I could send them each an email explaining that I’m leaving for a new job, but maybe taking them aside individually would be a better way to let everyone know how much I’m going to miss working with them,” said Wenzel of the coworkers who wouldn’t so much as bat an eye if he got hit by a bus. “They’ll probably be pretty devastated, so I want to assure them that I’m only leaving because I got a great opportunity, and that the people are the best part about working here. In fact, I almost didn’t take the job because I knew how much I would miss them. It’s just really hard to say goodbye.” At press time, Wenzel had invited colleagues out for going-away drinks where they all ignored him to think about who would get his desk chair.
More from The Onion