Elderly Man Feeling Useless In Retirement Wishes He Could Go Back To Feeling Useless At Work

Illustration for article titled Elderly Man Feeling Useless In Retirement Wishes He Could Go Back To Feeling Useless At Work

SARASOTA, FL—Admitting he had encountered a new kind of emptiness in his life since leaving his job nine months ago, 67-year-old Matthew Whalen confided to reporters Friday that he was feeling useless in retirement and secretly wished he could just go back to feeling useless at work. “Until I quit working, I never appreciated how important it was for me to have a place to go to every day where I could be around colleagues while doing something meaningless and unproductive,” said Whalen, who added that since retiring, he had felt a lack of purpose at home that for more than 40 years he had been accustomed to experiencing only at the office. “Now, I just sit around the house—morning, noon, and night—doing nothing of consequence and feeling insignificant. It really helped break up the time better when I could spend eight hours of my day doing that at work. I did consider taking up a hobby, but the ones I looked into seemed every bit as pointless as my job was. At least with my job I got paid.” At press time, sources confirmed Whalen had decided to go back to work part-time, hiring himself out as a completely useless consultant.