DENVER—Reflecting on the simple pleasure that she would likely never experience again, area eighth-grader Francesca Jaffe told reporters Tuesday that she would have cranked the classroom pencil sharpener a few more times had she known it was going to be the last chance she’d get. “Man, if you’d have told me in March that I’d never get to grind up another Dixon Ticonderoga #2 in that thing, I would have appreciated it a lot more,” said Jaffe, 13, confirming that she would never have taken the tactile joy of sharpening her pencil to a fine point in the rotary device for granted if she’d realized how fleeting their time together would be. “There’s so much more I could have done: colored pencils, watercolors, maybe even a crayon or something just for the sheer thrill of it. Never again will I experience the anticipation on the walk across the classroom, the satisfying feel of the crank in my hand, the sound of those twisting metal blades, the sweet scent of the fresh shavings—I admit it, I’m going to miss it all.” At press time, a wistful Jaffe told reporters that she supposed transitioning to mechanical pencils was a natural part of saying goodbye to childhood.
More from The Onion