GULFPORT, MS—Assuring the prospective buyers that they couldn’t find this kind of charm in newer builds, a local doll realtor reportedly glossed over the giant hinged opening in the middle of the house Thursday during a tour. “Yes, some of the design features are a bit unique, but don’t forget that with this property, you’re also getting painted-on countertops, hard plastic floors, and brand-new all-pink appliances,” said the realtor, highlighting the airy four square feet of living space while quickly ushering the couple past the floor-to-ceiling joint that split the house into two wall-less halves. “While there aren’t any locks on the doors and the windows are just holes, it’s a very safe neighborhood and the Fisher-Price police station is just down the street. Plus, it has a two-car garage for your Jeep and convertible, which I know was a must-have. So let’s head outside to check out the empty pool.” At press time, the homeowners were regretting their purchase after a giant hand ransacked their bedroom and tossed the couple onto the carpeted front yard.

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