MORRISTOWN, NJ—Complaining that he is never able to relax and just be himself, local dog Crackers reported Thursday that he feels as though he always has to be “on” when he’s around the family to whom he belongs. “It’s like I always have to put on this show, whether it’s chasing a squeaky toy or licking someone’s face, and it just gets exhausting, you know?” said the 3-year-old labrador mix, explaining that he feels expectations are being placed on him every time a member of the family so much as pets him, though he acknowledged the cat who also lives in the home seems able to shrug off such burdens. “I can’t be perking up my ears and running to the door every time the kid comes home, let alone playing fetch every time we go to the park. I’m kind of an introvert, after all. Sometimes I just want to chill in the shade and not have to run up and sniff everyone who passes by. If it keeps going like this, someday I’m going to snap and just run away.” At press time, sources confirmed Crackers had decided that biting a stranger on a walk might be the best way for his owners to get the message.
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