SEATTLE—Appalled by the blatant lack of hygiene from someone they share a workspace with, employees at Avignon Public Relations were reportedly horrified Thursday that their disgusting coworker Mark Sharpe had barely bothered to wash his ass before leaving the restroom. “That’s so gross—I don’t know what he’s thinking,” said sales associate Remy O’Connor, noting that Sharpe had done little more than sprinkle some lukewarm water on his ass and barely dry off his cheeks with a paper towel before returning to his desk. “It’s so unsanitary. He didn’t use soap at all, and I also got the sense that if I hadn’t been in the bathroom at the same time as him, he wouldn’t have cleaned his ass at all.” O’Connor noted that he would be sure to use plenty of Purell on his own ass if he came in contact with Sharpe.

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