ALEXANDRIA, LA—Area father John Siefkes has officially reached an age at which it is no longer possible to take pleasure in jokes about how he has passed his prime, family sources reported Saturday. “I used to razz him whenever we’d play tennis by saying, ‘Looks like your eyesight is going, old timer!’” son Christopher Siefkes said while watching his father fumble with a can opener in the kitchen. “But now that he has severe glaucoma and truly debilitating arthritis, what am I supposed to do, make fun of him? It’s not funny. It’s sad.” The younger Siefkes then opened a beer, sat down at the table, and contemplated his own tenuous grasp on mortality.