MADISON, WI—Saying he’d been meaning to set aside this kind of time for a while now, local father Gary Plumber told reporters Tuesday that he had freed up the entire day to spend on some quality father-grill bonding. “No mowing the lawn or oil changes today—I’ve cleared my whole schedule so you and I can really spend some time together,” said Plumber of the forest green 22-inch charcoal kettle grill, which he reportedly sees mostly on holidays and some scattered weekends during the summer, but certainly not as regularly as he’d like. “I’ve put it off for way too long, but this will be a great day for the two of us to reconnect. I even went out and bought some juicy rib-eyes for the occasion.” At press time, Plumber was squirting lighter fluid over a layer of briquettes and was suddenly moved to tears as he remembered the day he brought the grill home from the hardware store.
For the man who spends hours laboring over the perfect barbecue, give him Dewar’s 12 Year Old Blended Scotch Whisky, finely crafted and still double aged for extra smoothness.