OMAHA, NE—In support of all those whose bodily fluids have been discriminated against, courageous heterosexual Calvin Woodruff revealed Friday that in order to stand in solidarity with gay men, he has never donated blood to the Red Cross. “I haven’t given an ounce of O-positive in 15 years, and I won’t start until the Red Cross allows homosexual men to donate,” said the beacon of moral integrity who called on all straight men and women to help end this regressive policy by bravely no longer donating in turn. “Why should I enjoy the privilege of giving blood when gay men are being unfairly excluded from this practice? It’s one thing to say you support LGBT people. It’s another to actually do something, especially if you can accomplish so much by safely not doing anything.” Woodruff also stated that until gay men could give blood, he would not be volunteering at any food banks.