Couple Just Wants Small Ceremony In Public Park With Close Friends And Shirtless Stranger Hanging Around Tree

SANDY SPRINGS, GA—Speaking to reporters ahead of their planned June wedding, engaged couple Sarah Hargrove and Brian Neely confirmed Monday that all they wanted was a small ceremony at their local park surrounded by close friends and a shirtless stranger hanging around a tree. “When we envision our special day, we’re picturing a modest ceremony, maybe 50 people max, with our friend presiding and some creepy dude in the background grinning every so often as he sips out of a brown paper bag,” said Hargrove, noting that she wanted a photographer who worked mostly in black-and-white and for the best shots to accidentally capture the guy either urinating in a bush or scratching the back of his cargo shorts. “We’ve been to a lot of big, fancy weddings, but that’s not really our style—we just want an intimate gathering in a picturesque outdoor setting made extremely uncomfortable by some random weirdo’s constant presence.” Hargrove added that it was also important for them to have a picnic-style caterer whom the shirtless guy would harass for leftovers.

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