Corrupt Policeman Worried About Working With Partner Who Has Never Once Taken Bribe

Illustration for article titled Corrupt Policeman Worried About Working With Partner Who Has Never Once Taken Bribe

BOSTON—Saying he “doesn’t know what this fucking guy’s problem is,” corrupt police officer Glen Morris confirmed Wednesday that he was deeply concerned to be working with a partner who has never once taken a bribe. “Maybe he’s got an issue with how I run my beat, but this is how it works around here and I’m not about to get ratted out by some punk-ass do-gooder,” Morris said as Tootsie Roll, his new partner, cantered around the 7-Eleven parking lot while swishing his tail to keep the flies off. “I offered him a cut of my take from the nail salon and he just looked at me, just flat-out refused to even touch the money. Does he think he’s better than me? Is he maybe even a narc? It’s like the guy has blinders on for all I can read that long face of his. Alls I’m saying is Mr. Tootsie Roll better get with the program or this ain’t gonna work out between us two.” Morris later had some success with wrapping a wad of 20s around a carrot in an attempt to get his new partner to play along.

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