Illustration for article titled Conversation-Starved Man Finally Treating Bumping Into Coworker As Exquisite Treasure It Truly Is

CHICAGO—A deep appreciation dawning upon him as he came to understand the sheer wonder radiated by such a rare occurrence, conversation-starved man Ryan Kennedy reportedly finally treated bumping into his coworker as the exquisite treasure it is, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Oh, hey, Eric! Great to see you,” said the newly enlightened man after spotting his office mate during a routine trip out to the corner store, nodding in deep gratitude as he uncovered the fine-hewn jewel of experience that lay—and, indeed, has always lain—beneath a chance encounter with a work colleague, before going on to ply his fellow worker with innumerable questions as an attempt to draw out each and every ounce of the irreplaceable joy, surprise, and astonishment he could derive from such pleasantries and small talk. “What are you picking up? Oh, how about that. I needed some milk, too. Hey, talk to you later!” At press time, Kennedy’s coworker had made a light remark that he would “see him around in cyberspace,” a slight quip that he would have found insufferable otherwise but which now caused him to weep at its pure simplicity and beauty.

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