Illustration for article titled College Freshman Experiences First Tantalizing Taste Of Freedom Waiting In Line At Burrito Station While Parents Find Table

CARLISLE, PA—Awed at the endless possibilities before him, Dickinson College freshman Andrew Glenn reportedly experienced his first tantalizing taste of freedom Monday while waiting in line at the dining hall burrito station as his parents scoped out a place to sit. “I can get anything I want, absolutely anything,” thought Glenn, exhilarated by the rush of self-determination as he made the first of what was sure to be a lifetime of autonomous decisions. “No filling or condiment is off limits. I can have extra lettuce but no beans if I choose. This burrito will be exactly what I decide it will be, and I can order one just like it every single day for the rest of my life.” At press time, Glenn was slowly coming to terms with the full burden of independence after discovering that the burrito he ordered tasted weird.


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