BALTIMORE—Admitting that the assemblage of currency was quite impressive, sources confirmed Tuesday that local coin collector Bill Mavrogenes has some pretty fucking nice coins. “Goddamn, he’s got a bunch of old ones that have holes right through the middle of them,” said local resident Wayne Gorman, noting that the silver coin bearing the image of Alexander the Great must have been especially valuable since it was encased in a super-tiny plastic envelope. “Would you look at this? This one is definitely American, but it’s got some president on it I don’t recognize. Some of these suckers must be old as fuck. I’ve seen some coin collections before, but this is different. We’re not talking pennies, quarters and dimes here—these guys were probably used by pharaohs and shit.” At press time, Mavrogenes reportedly produced a second binder containing some “dope ass” stamps.

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