CHICAGO—Expressing concerns that the restaurant chain had the wrong idea about where their relationship was headed, wing enthusiast Matthew Forester, 32, revealed Thursday that a clingy Wingstop has sent him dozens of messages since their one drunken night together. “Look, I know it was a passionate night during which I deeply satisfied certain appetites, but I haven’t seen Wingstop in weeks, and yet they’re still sending me desperate texts and emails offering me five free wings or telling me about their new ancho honey sauce,” said Forester, who claimed he had never done anything with Wingstop since and had thought he made it clear that their late-night encounter would be a one-time thing. “They saw me stumble through the door. They know I was really drunk. We had fun, sure. At one point, I think I even drizzled about five kinds of sauce on them at once. But they should have gotten the point after I didn’t respond to the first dozen messages. It was one night, it was just twenty lemon pepper wings, nothing more. Although, I am worried I might have said ‘I love you’ at one point.” At press time, a drunken Forester has since been reportedly observed texting Wingstop for confirmation that his order of spicy Korean crispy tenders was on their way over.
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