Christmas-Obsessed Woman Worships Christ Year-Round

Graphic: The Onion

MISSOULA, MT—Observing that she seems to “go a bit overboard” with her enthusiasm for the season, sources confirmed Friday that local woman Linda Gillespie is so obsessed with Christmas that she worships Jesus Christ throughout the entire year. “Even in summer, Linda will be brimming with the holiday spirit and praising the Lord Jesus as her savior,” said neighbor Daniel Bonn, explaining that Gillespie goes so far as to attend a Christ-themed service every Sunday of the year as if it were Christmas morning. “I like Christmas as much as the next guy, but considering it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, don’t you think it’s a little odd that the inside of her home is decorated with a bunch of depictions of Christ? She’s also apparently joined some kind of weird choir that sing songs about Jesus year-round.” At press time, sources confirmed Gillespie had finally let go of the Christmas spirit after a severe crisis of faith caused her to stop believing in God altogether.

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