ORLANDO, FL—Increasingly dubious that their lodging was in any way tied to the theme park experience, Larry Kostyk’s two children on Wednesday were reportedly starting to see through their father’s claim that the DoubleTree Hotel was part of the Walt Disney World Resort. “I dunno, we’re like half an hour away from the park, and this whole hotel seems like it could be pretty much anywhere,” said son Michael Kostyk, 12, adding that except for a few pamphlets he found for the Magic Kingdom in a lobby rack, there was no discernable Disney presence whatsoever. “Dad said the bus we got from the airport was a special Disney resort bus, but it stopped at a Residence Inn and a Best Western before it got to our hotel. And when I look out our room’s window, I can’t see Cinderella’s Castle or the Epcot ball. I think there’s a Lowe’s or something.” At press time, while his children’s backs were turned, Kostyk was hastily arranging silver dollar breakfast buffet pancakes to resemble a mouse.

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